“There is no R-N-R in Solo Parenting: Finding Time for You.”
There are plenty of scriptures in the Bible that state the importance of relaxation. In Exodus 20:8-11, God commands the Israelites to observe the Sabbath, which is a day of rest and worship. God modeled this for us after creating the world in six days (Gen. 2:2). The Sabbath was intended to provide a regular break from work and to allow for spiritual reflection and rejuvenation. However, over time, the observance of the Sabbath became a rigid and burdensome religious practice, leading to rules and restrictions that could burden others. Sometimes people would need to work and take care of their family and their animals.
With the changing family dynamic, solo parenting is becoming more common, but societal pressures and the high cost of living are creating significant challenges. Jesus reminds us in Mark 2:27 “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. He understands sometimes our donkey gets stuck in the pit and we have to pull them out (Luke 14:5). This often requires quite a bit of work.
Nevertheless, we often attempt to carry the burden of the world alone and cater to everyone's needs whenever they arise, yet this is not aligned with God's expectations for his people. It is impossible to handle everything. It is crucial to select our battles carefully. God instituted the sabbath to emphasize the importance of taking time to unwind. Both the mind and body require relaxation.
Studies show that prolonged and severe stress responses could result in tissue damage and disease.[1]
Now, before you start stressing over being stressed all the time and possibly even over getting a disease and tissue damage, just know that God has provided a way for you to unwind a bit even amid your busy business.
My Story
Let me share a little of my story. I have had full custody of four children since my oldest was 9 and three stair-stepped babies 14 months apart. Years into my solo parenting journey and constant go, go, go. I could not even rest in my sleep because I was running after children there too. My schedule was full. There was no help from their biological father. I did not have a degree, I was a high school dropout, there was no money, and I worked two and three jobs. I understand the “no time to relax” ideology. With work, doctor's appointments, homeschooling, my own college classes, therapists, court, church, the demands of my children's needs, and many other obligations, I was forming a habit of constant movement that, at times, I still struggle with. It was like that for years, my kids now being 28, 20, 19, and 18.
During my time in college pursuing my doctorate degree, I took a class that emphasized the importance of relaxation. It was at that moment that I recognized my own need to relax, yet I found myself unable to do so. Every time I attempted to unwind, I was interrupted by urgent matters or plagued by thoughts like, "I can't relax, I'm too busy." I struggled to slow down, considering the implications for my well-being and the responsibilities I had to fulfill.
There was hope for me, so I know there is hope for you.
Jesus tells us 1 Peter 5:7 (NLT) Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
Being a Solo parent can be physically and emotionally draining. We all need a moment to breathe. So, that is exactly how I began my relaxation techniques. A few seconds at a time. 30-second intervals to be exact. Klaus Isslar calls it pressing the Pause Button.[2] Take just 30 seconds whenever you can and pray. I suggest, stopping everything, you can stand, sit, or jog in place it does not matter just clear your mind take a deep breath think of God, and thank him while exhaling. You can release your cares, frustration, loneliness, unforgiveness, whatever is mounding up on your shoulders, and give it all to him. Do this as often throughout your day as you can. Just pause and think about his goodness and the blessings in your life. Just pause and clear your mind. The point is to begin relaxing at a time in your life when it is hard to find time for yourself because other people depend on you to take care of them. Engaging in this 30-second activity may not exactly be a cure-all for all solo caregiver problems, but it can certainly help you get started if you have forgotten how to relax, just like I did.
My prayers are with you and your family.
God Bless.
Bibliography
Issler, Klaus. Living into the Life of Jesus: The Formation of Christian Character. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books, 2012.
Schneiderman, N., Ironson, G., & Siegel, S. D. “Stress and Health: Psychological, Behavioral, and Biological Determinants.” Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 1, (2005): 607–628. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.clinpsy.1.102803.144141.
[1] N. Schneiderman, G. Ironson, and S. D. Siegel, “Stress and Health: Psychological, Behavioral, and Biological Determinants.” Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 1, (2005): 607–628. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.clinpsy.1.102803.144141.
[2] Klaus Issler. Living into the Life of Jesus: The Formation of Christian Character. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books, 2012. 104.
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